House II: The Second Story (1987)

To be fair, House II isn't a very good film -- but it can certainly be an enjoyable film...if you can watch it without your "All my Horror must be deadly serious and loaded with gore" goggles.  When it was released in 1987, it was pretty much an instant childhood favorite of mine, though over the years, I sort of bought into its bad rep and dismissed it as mere cinema garbage.  Last night, Mrs. Constriction and I sat down to give it another spin and see how well it holds up.

And it better not leak...or else!

During a short, 1961-set prologue, we're introduced to a new titular house; Los Angeles' castle-like Stimson House and it's quickly apparent that this is a sequel in name/idea only.  Arye Gross (then of Just One Of The Guys fame, but later of TV's Ellen) stars as Jesse, who is moving into the house once owned by the birth parents he never knew.  Along with him is his record company shrew girlfriend, Kate, (annoyingly played by Friday the 13th Part VII's Lar Park Lincoln).  Jesse instantly begins digging through the family library and soon discovers the story of a strange Mayan crystal skull, once searched out by his Great Great Grandfather (whom he was named after).  Soon, Jesse's best friend Charlie (played with full-on 80s goofball buddy charm by Fright Night's Jonathan Stark and his Madonna wannabe girlfriend Lana (a pre-Problem Child and Robin Hood:  Men In Tights Amy Yasbeck) show up, unannounced, to hang out for a few days. 

Gross, as the film's hero Jesse

Lar Park Lincoln:  80s fashion icon!

This ain't Indiana Jones' crystal skull...

From there, in search of the crystal skull, Jesse and Charlie dig up the grave of the Great Great Grandfather (aka:  Gramps) and open up a Pandora's Box of strange events including:  an impressive mummified Royal Dano, a room in the house which opens to a prehistoric jungle, a crazed cro-mag throwback, Jim Henson-like puppets of a baby pterodactyl and a cute-as-a-button "caterpuppy", virgin-sacrificing Mayans, and of course, the film's main villain Slim Reeser, a sort of zombified Travis Tritt gunslinger...with the voice of Inspector Gadget's Dr. Claw (yes, Frank Welker supplies the voice here).


Jonathan Stark shows some great comedic timing in this film.

Rambo be damned.

Also along for the ride are Bill Maher and Cheers' John Ratzenberger.  Maher, with his face oozing yuppie smugness, is as punchable as he ever was as Kate's record executive boss.  Every time he's onscreen, there is a demand for it to be either kicked or punched!  In one of the film's most bizarre sequences, Ratzenberger shows up unannounced as Bill, The Electrician, joining Jesse and Charlie for an Indiana Jones style adventure where they battle Mayan worshippers and rescue a damsel in distress.  While clearly aping parts of Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom, the sequence comes off rather cheap-looking and its action is very wooden . . . but it's still fun because of Ratzenberger's presence! 

Just one, solid punch to that nose...please!

Everyone knows his name here because it's on his shirt.

For first-time director, Ethan Wiley, the action is pretty smooth, if not a bit stiff.  It's apparent that producer Sean S. Cunningham was sort of steering the train as the film looks and feels very much like its 1986 predecessor (some of the hallways and bedroom sets even appear to be re-dressings from the previous film).  Some of Wiley's previous credits were as creature techs and effects crew on Return of the Jedi and Gremlins, which explains the film's focus on cute, cuddly puppet creatures like the caterpuppy. 

Everyone needs this guy for Christmas!



A baby pterodactyl at a dinner table...wearing a bib.

Since this was the mid-to-late 80s, there's a strong emphasis on Chris Walas' effects crew trying to impress the audience with various makeups, puppets, and stop-motion animation -- with little to no blood (the only drops of which occur from gunshot wounds in the prologue and the final reel).  Think of House II as Labyrinth or The Dark Crystal on a much smaller budget and not so much as a "Horror" film and it's actually not too bad.  Almost 30 years later, the effects still hold up -- though puppeteer arms can be seen in a few shots -- and still invoke the emotions they intended.  The zombie makeups for Gramps and Slim are still impressive -- some may remember seeing Slim from the cover of Fangoria #64.

Gramps wants more beer, dammit!

Alright, who ordered the gunslinger entree?

In the end, the House series as a whole is a bit confusing and disjointed -- don't even get me started on the whole Horror Show/House III and then bringing William Katt back for House IV mess -- so it's not surprising that things sort of went of the rails with the first sequel.  Perhaps Fred Dekker and Sean Cunningham planned to have each film be different in the vein of an anthology?  After watching House II last night, we laughed more than I thought we would and, overall, just had fun with it.