Creepshow (1982)

I know what you're saying... "ANOTHER Romero movie on here?!?"  However, as I was suggesting some cool Halloween-themed films/TV shows for some friends, Creepshow popped into my head.  Now, after a quick glance through the Constriction Pictures archives, I cannot believe that I haven't yet written about this flawless film that may be, for all intents and purposes, THE most important Horror film in my life (after all, the "C" in our logo comes from the original poster of course!).

From what I can recall, Creepshow is most definitely the very first Horror film I ever saw; and it was probably right after it premiered on either HBO or Cinemax in the early to mid-80s, so I was likely at the impressionable age of 2 or 3yrs old when I saw it.  For some reason though, I remember watching it with my parents multiple times . . . even though I was completely terrified!  Knowing my parents, they wouldn't have let me continue to watch it unless I insisted so, despite the nightmare fuel that it was, Creepshow was required multiple viewing in my house!

Two things in particular immediately come to mind when I think of Creepshow or utter its title; the zombified Nathan Grantham in the "Father's Day" bit and Fluffy from "The Crate" story.  Whenever either of these two creeps would pop up on-screen, I'd find myself cowering behind my Dad's back on the couch, plugging my ears and clenching my eyes as tightly as I could!  To this day, even John Harrison's music cues for these sequences make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up! 

Will someone get this man his cake already?

Fluffy:  The real star of Creepshow!

Working from an original Stephen King screenplay, the film tells five, separate tales (with an overlapping wraparound segment) which all perfectly capture the spirit of EC comic titles like "Tales From The Crypt", which it lovingly pays homage to.  The film itself is a quintessential Dream Team of Horror that finally paired up George Romero and Stephen King (after years of casual friendship and a stalled discussion on adapting The Stand for the big screen); also along for the ride and handling special make-up effects is fellow Monster Kid, Tom Savini -- so really, Creepshow is an all-star feature! 

Horror's Dream Team!

The wraparound story begins near Halloween Night, with an ominous jack-o-lantern peering out from the living room window of a house that could have just as easily been yours or mine.  Genre vet, Tom Atkins, does his best "stern tough guy" act here on his young son Billy (played by Stephen King's real life son, Joe, no less) who has been caught red-handed reading some "Horror crap" in the form of a Creepshow comic book!  Right away, Billy's bedroom recalls the very bedroom of any self-proclaimed Monster Kid and reader of Famous Monsters of Filmland or Fangoria -- lots of cool Horror posters and monster toys & model kits (see if you can list 'em all!).  Almost as quickly as the story begins, Atkins throws Billy's comic book "right into the friggin' garbage" as his son seemingly makes a deal with The Creep by muttering under his breath, "I hope you rot in Hell."  Of course, this story is wrapped up ghoulishly in the film's final moments before the end credits roll...


Is he serious?  No, he's Joe King.

"Father's Day" is the first proper story of the film; here an upper crust clan on par with the Kennedys eagerly awaits the arrival of their Great Aunt Bedelia.  To entertain themselves, family members recount the day Bedelia murdered her abusive & overbearing father and the rest of the brood covered it up.  Since that fateful day ten years earlier, Bedelia has made it a point to always visit her father's grave before settling down for a nice cooked ham dinner.  Of course, since this is Stephen King and George Romero, sometimes you just can't keep a bad guy down . . . especially when he wants his Father's Day cake!   Truth be told, I still tense up when Nathan is slamming his cane against the arms of his wheelchair declaring "I. Want. My! Cake!"


"The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verill" sees King in his acting debut (not counting the brief "Hoagie Man" cameo he and his wife Tabitha share in Romero's Knightriders) as a durn'd fool idjit who stumbles upon a crashed meteorite on his farmland.  King shines believably -- if not slightly over the top at times -- as Jordy's curiosity gets the best of him.  This is also a fine example of Creepshow's dark and twisted sense of humor found in those old EC comics!


Perhaps one of the best quote in movie history!

"Something To Tide You Over" features a pre-Cheers Ted Danson who's been caught red-handed in an extra-marital affair by a jealous, murderous husband played by Leslie Nielsen, the real star of this piece!  Some nifty water-logged zombies return for revenge in this short's final reel!

Believe it or not Ted Danson was, in fact, in Creepshow!



Leslie Nielsen is right:  farts are funny!

In what is perhaps Creepshow's standout story, "The Crate" features Adrienne Barbeau as an over-bearing loudmouth wife to Hal Holbrook's sheepishly intellectual Henry . . . and a mysterious, nearly 150yr old crate that's been tucked away and forgotten under a university stairwell.  Of course, within that titular crate is ferocious little Yeti which eats a few people, including Barbeau's Wilma (she should haven't just told it to call her Billie though)!  More on this one in a bit...

Wrapping things up is "They're Creeping Up On You", which is sort of a one-man play featuring E. G. Marshall as a Howard Hughes-esque reclusive germaphobe.  His supposedly germ-proof penthouse is suddenly besieged by millions of cockroaches, culminating in one of Creepshow's most gruesome moments!  It's interesting to note that, as a kid, while watching Creepshow on WPIX-11's annual "Shock-tober" Halloween Horror Marathon, this fifth story was almost always cut for time (as a feature, the film clocks in exactly at 120mins); so when I finally mustered up the courage to pick up a VHS of the film, seeing this story in all its creepy-crawly glory was a treat!


As I watched Creepshow the other night while getting into the Halloween spirit, one thing stood out:  it very well may be one of the first "proper" comic book movies.  Granted, comic books had been a source of inspiration for movies well before this film but, aside from the campy POW!'s, BIFF's, and KRACK's of 1966's Batman: The Movie, I can't really think of any other film that fully embraced its comic kitch and style.  There are some really great comic book panel transitions and great usage of colored lighting gels to suggest particular moods, along with some excellent comic book boarders framing (as well as behind) the action as it unfolds!  Of course, many years later, both Robert Rodriquez and Zach Snyder would go even further into "a comic book coming to life" territory with Sin City and 300 respectively.

While he was once known as the Screwdriver Zombie in Dawn of the Dead, composer John Harrison really brings Creepshow together with a score that is almost equal parts synth and traditional (albeit hauntingly beautiful) piano combined with stock cues from the Capitol Library.  The stingers that Harrison came up with for whenever Zombie Nate or Fluffy appear on-screen still make my hairs stand on end!  Much like the film itself though, the score's highlight is definitely "The Crate", with its seemingly endless piano suite that builds and builds to a crescendo, as it could easily stand alone outside of the film.


Out of all the stories in the film, "The Crate" is easily the strongest and, oddly enough, feels like an episode of the syndicated television series Creepshow would inspire, Tales From The Darkside.  Everything in this "episode" really is self-contained and could just as easily stand on its own; Hell, I wouldn't mind seeing it expanded into a feature length . . . maybe go a little deeper into what Billie was doing at her night "classes" or what Dexter Stanley did with the beautiful, young co-eds he was constantly flirting with.  Or not . . . as it is, it's pretty damn near perfect.  The stars came together and made one of King's best written works, Romero's most slick and well-crafted piece, and features the first time Savini would branch out from plain old gore while scratching that itch effects guys always seem to have to build creatures! 

Speaking of Fluffy . . . for the longest time, for some damn reason, I always thought Fluffy was a Tasmanian Devil....never really connected the dots between, ya know, Artic Expedition and a Yeti.  It wasn't until I first visited Walt Disney World in 2008 and rode Expedition Everest that I made the connection . . . in fact, the last time I went on the ride, I was genuinely creeped out by the Yeti's appearance at the ride's conclusion! 

Fluffy's Dad:  Dinsey's Everest Yeti!

One last thing that solidified Creepshow as one of the be-all, end-all of nightmares . . . what is now known as the common video artwork was also a theatrical poster.  The comic book poster that I used at the start of this piece is a personal favorite, as I have that poster; however the other, more common artwork messed me up as a kid!  You see, this poster used to hang on the wall of my older cousin's bedroom and, man, it terrified me!  Now that I think about it, what made it even more terrifying was that it was real . . . kinda.  You see, growing up in New Jersey, there was a local amusement park in Pennsylvania called Dorney Park (it's still there to this day) and my family frequented it quite a bit.  One of their oldest rides there was a combo dark ride/log flume called Journey To The Center of the Earth.  The ride itself was traumatizing to my young psyche to begin with (a boat ride in the dark...with creepy window-dressings of giant spiders and ogres killing and eating dwarves), but the terrifying part came from where you lined up for the ride itself!  No joke, at the point where you'd initially enter the queue, there was a very familiar looking ticket booth with a robed skeleton covered in cobwebs!  Sadly, the Journey To The Center of the Earth ride is long gone (too soon for me to truly appreciate it at the time unfortunately) and I can't seem to find any pics of the ticket booth....but take my word, it looked pretty damn close to the Creepshow poster!

For being the same age as I am, Creepshow has always held a special place in my heart and memory.  There's always a tendency to use this sort of cliché, but I really did, quite literally, grow up with Creepshow.  In fact, when we started visiting the Pittsburgh area on a regular basis, it was a trip to be able to set foot at some of the locations from the film!

Checking out Billy's house!

Searching for a higher education at Amberson Hall!

Checking for Fluffy...

House II: The Second Story (1987)

To be fair, House II isn't a very good film -- but it can certainly be an enjoyable film...if you can watch it without your "All my Horror must be deadly serious and loaded with gore" goggles.  When it was released in 1987, it was pretty much an instant childhood favorite of mine, though over the years, I sort of bought into its bad rep and dismissed it as mere cinema garbage.  Last night, Mrs. Constriction and I sat down to give it another spin and see how well it holds up.

And it better not leak...or else!

During a short, 1961-set prologue, we're introduced to a new titular house; Los Angeles' castle-like Stimson House and it's quickly apparent that this is a sequel in name/idea only.  Arye Gross (then of Just One Of The Guys fame, but later of TV's Ellen) stars as Jesse, who is moving into the house once owned by the birth parents he never knew.  Along with him is his record company shrew girlfriend, Kate, (annoyingly played by Friday the 13th Part VII's Lar Park Lincoln).  Jesse instantly begins digging through the family library and soon discovers the story of a strange Mayan crystal skull, once searched out by his Great Great Grandfather (whom he was named after).  Soon, Jesse's best friend Charlie (played with full-on 80s goofball buddy charm by Fright Night's Jonathan Stark and his Madonna wannabe girlfriend Lana (a pre-Problem Child and Robin Hood:  Men In Tights Amy Yasbeck) show up, unannounced, to hang out for a few days. 

Gross, as the film's hero Jesse

Lar Park Lincoln:  80s fashion icon!

This ain't Indiana Jones' crystal skull...

From there, in search of the crystal skull, Jesse and Charlie dig up the grave of the Great Great Grandfather (aka:  Gramps) and open up a Pandora's Box of strange events including:  an impressive mummified Royal Dano, a room in the house which opens to a prehistoric jungle, a crazed cro-mag throwback, Jim Henson-like puppets of a baby pterodactyl and a cute-as-a-button "caterpuppy", virgin-sacrificing Mayans, and of course, the film's main villain Slim Reeser, a sort of zombified Travis Tritt gunslinger...with the voice of Inspector Gadget's Dr. Claw (yes, Frank Welker supplies the voice here).


Jonathan Stark shows some great comedic timing in this film.

Rambo be damned.

Also along for the ride are Bill Maher and Cheers' John Ratzenberger.  Maher, with his face oozing yuppie smugness, is as punchable as he ever was as Kate's record executive boss.  Every time he's onscreen, there is a demand for it to be either kicked or punched!  In one of the film's most bizarre sequences, Ratzenberger shows up unannounced as Bill, The Electrician, joining Jesse and Charlie for an Indiana Jones style adventure where they battle Mayan worshippers and rescue a damsel in distress.  While clearly aping parts of Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom, the sequence comes off rather cheap-looking and its action is very wooden . . . but it's still fun because of Ratzenberger's presence! 

Just one, solid punch to that nose...please!

Everyone knows his name here because it's on his shirt.

For first-time director, Ethan Wiley, the action is pretty smooth, if not a bit stiff.  It's apparent that producer Sean S. Cunningham was sort of steering the train as the film looks and feels very much like its 1986 predecessor (some of the hallways and bedroom sets even appear to be re-dressings from the previous film).  Some of Wiley's previous credits were as creature techs and effects crew on Return of the Jedi and Gremlins, which explains the film's focus on cute, cuddly puppet creatures like the caterpuppy. 

Everyone needs this guy for Christmas!



A baby pterodactyl at a dinner table...wearing a bib.

Since this was the mid-to-late 80s, there's a strong emphasis on Chris Walas' effects crew trying to impress the audience with various makeups, puppets, and stop-motion animation -- with little to no blood (the only drops of which occur from gunshot wounds in the prologue and the final reel).  Think of House II as Labyrinth or The Dark Crystal on a much smaller budget and not so much as a "Horror" film and it's actually not too bad.  Almost 30 years later, the effects still hold up -- though puppeteer arms can be seen in a few shots -- and still invoke the emotions they intended.  The zombie makeups for Gramps and Slim are still impressive -- some may remember seeing Slim from the cover of Fangoria #64.

Gramps wants more beer, dammit!

Alright, who ordered the gunslinger entree?

In the end, the House series as a whole is a bit confusing and disjointed -- don't even get me started on the whole Horror Show/House III and then bringing William Katt back for House IV mess -- so it's not surprising that things sort of went of the rails with the first sequel.  Perhaps Fred Dekker and Sean Cunningham planned to have each film be different in the vein of an anthology?  After watching House II last night, we laughed more than I thought we would and, overall, just had fun with it. 

House (1986)

Yesterday, as my wife and I endured a tranquil eight hour drive home from Monroeville, PA (we were in town for this year's Living Dead Weekend in Evans City, PA), I had the sudden, gnawing urge to watch a particular film when we got home . . . the Steve Miner directed, Sean S. Cunningham produced and William Katt headlining House.  This is a film that has lived with me since its release to home video and, initially at least, completely terrified me!  It's not one that I revisit too often, but I thought, just for fun, let's revisit it.

How much are the property taxes, yo?

William Katt, rocking some of 1986's best fashion, stars as Roger Cobb, a Stephen King-like Horror novelist who is suffering the effects of PTSD from his tour of duty in Vietnam.  Kay Lenz also appears as Roger's estranged wife and soap opera star Sandy; unable to deal with the mysterious disappearance of their son Jimmy, the couple divorced.  On top of all of this Roger is suffering a bout of writer's block as he attempts to begin his next book, detailing his experiences in the Vietnam war (against his agent's advice of course).  The story really get moving when Roger learns that his beloved Aunt Elizabeth has committed suicide in the house he grew up in; ol' Auntie believed the house to be haunted of course.  While reviewing the titular house for a potential sale, Roger decides to move in and work on his next book.

There's our Greatest American Hero, ladies & gentlemen.

Kay Lenz as soap opera starlet Sandy

With a story by Fred Dekker, House is a perfect blend of horror suspense and rib-tickler comedy.  There are some genuinely creepy moments and shocking jump scares -- especially if you saw it for the first time at the age of 4yrs old like I did! -- but, with adult eyes, the creatures look a bit cartoonish and rubbery (which isn't necessarily a bad thing).  Yes, the house itself is haunted...kind of...it seems to be a conduit or gateway to "the other side" -- a similar theme would be explored in the Poltergeist series and, most recently, Netflix's Stranger Things.

Always listen to the crazy, suicidal ghosts!

Also worth noting, the cast contains two very popular television stars, who were both great comic relief on their immensely popular series; George Wendt of Cheers and Richard Moll of Night Court. Wendt appears as Harold, the nosey/kinda friend of a neighbor and Moll plays Roger's 'Nam buddy Big Ben.  Of the two, Wendt is perfect and serviceable as the skeptic to Roger's impending madness as the story progresses.  However, the film's one dull moment is Moll's performance.  I'm not sure if the part was written that way, but the Big Ben character has always fallen flat for me.  In the Vietnam flashback scenes, Big Ben comes across a little too cartoony and trying too hard to be a badass -- sort of like Ron Pearlman as Johner in Alien:  Resurrection).  The clunkiness of Big Ben has to be due to the script, as Moll as fine in other genre stuff like Evilspeak and The Dungeonmaster.  It also probably doesn't help that the 'Nam sequences are obviously filmed on a soundstage or someone's backyard, which immediately take me out of them...

Everyone knows your name in this house...



Richard Moll's performance is loaded with Bull...

Despite Richard Moll's sitcom delivery, the Big Ben character ends up being the film's main villain!  In Vietnam, Ben was hit by crossfire and, while begging Roger to "finish him off", was grabbed by NVA fighters and dragged away to a horribly prolonged death of torture....so, naturally, he's got a bone to pick with his old buddy Roger!  The Skeleton Big Ben looks surprisingly good and fits right in as the film's main baddie!  The makeup appliances seem to incorporate a similar process as seen in Return of the Living Dead with the Tar Man zombie, where the actor inside the suit has his face blacked out, but is still slightly visible whenever the monster opens its mouth to talk....still, ya gotta love practical special effects and I tip my hat to effects artists Barney Burman and Brian Wade!

Skeleton Big Ben stalks Roger in the House!

Also, a bit of a detractor for me is Friday The 13th composer Harry Manfredini's score for the film.  Sure there are some interesting themes -- the main one for instance -- but the majority of it echoes the Friday The 13th series a bit too much for me, resulting in a similar problem with his score for The Hills Have Eyes Part 2.


One of the more brilliant things that I noticed while watching the film again is its lighting.  In scenes that are set at night, the lighting in the house and in most rooms appears much brighter and fuller as if the action is taking place during the daytime.  In particular, scenes in the room where Aunt Elizabeth hanged herself and the room with the creepy closet.  This lighting choice further adds to the disorientation of when (or how long) events have been occurring. When Roger shoots the re-animated swordfish on the wall, the lighting in the den where it all happens suggests that its at night...but almost immediately after, Sandy shows up and it's the middle of the day and sunny outside.  Not sure if this was an intentional trick on the part of lighting tech Dennis Bishop or just a happy accident...


There are a few things that have sat with me since first seeing House though . . . that poster art is incredible isn't it?  I'll never forget seeing it in the video store and being absolutely terrified by it -- even if it is a bit misleading. 


Next, the scene where Sandy shows up at the house, startling Roger who's just fired off a few shotgun rounds at a mounted and stuffed swordfish.  Roger drops a couple of shotgun shells, which roll off the table between them and his beautiful wife bends down (out of frame) to pick them up . . . she then pops up as some sort of grotesque witch beast!  No joke...this was a moment for me where I'd clench my eyes shut and plug my ears!  Absolutely terrifying....of course, these days, it's a silly rubber suit and the whole thing plays much more for comedy than terror.

As the kids say these days:  Nightmare Fuel

Finally, there's Roger's bathroom and its medicine cabinet.  As a kid, around the same time this move was probably filmed, my older cousin Tim was always jumping out of his closet sporting some sort of Halloween mask (not to mention the Creepshow and Return of the Living Dead posters that he had on his bedroom wall) and scaring the hell out of me!  Of course, these days I thank him for showing me the way, but back then, that shit absolutely terrified me and gave me nightmares (in a good way)!  I swear -- and this is coming from the memory or a 4yr old -- that the bathroom at my aunt and uncle's house at the time looked exactly like that bathroom in House.  I'll never forget the eerie silence of being in that bathroom and as for the medicine cabinet that hung above the sink?  NOPE!

Who knew medicine cabinets were so terrifying?

Thirty years later, Steve Miner's House still holds up relatively well for me.  Despite its shortcomings with the Big Ben character and the 'Nam flashbacks, I still love it and give it a spin at least once a year.  If you're in the mood for some good fun with a horror film....I definitely recommend House!


Closet monsters be damned!