Tales From The Crypt: "...And All Through The House" 1972 vs 1989

If you're reading this blog, you know what I'm talking about when I say that the "...And All Through The House" segment of the classic Amicus anthology Tales From The Crypt flat out RULES!  In fact, it rules so much that Robert Zemeckis decided to remake it as the second episode of the classic television version of Tales From The Crypt.   So, since it's the holidays and all, I figured now is as good a time as any to look at both versions of this creepy classic tale.  Let's get into it shall we?


Of course, there will be spoilers here . . . so if you haven't seen either the 1972 film or the TV episode yet . . . turn away now!

Tales From The Crypt is a fine example of a British Horror anthology (of which, there was quite a boom in the early to mid-1970s, with Amicus releasing the best of the bunch).  It's got five separate stories, tied neatly together by an engaging wrap-around, all of which serve as the sort of morality tale the original source comics did in the 1950s. 




"I know he's got that insurance money on him somewhere!"

The first segment, of course, is "...And All Through The House" and it stars Joan Collins as a Joanne Clayton, a woman who kills her husband on Christmas Eve, with the hopes of finding a rich insurance settlement in her stocking!  As Joanne methodically arranges her victim so that it appears he had an accident, she fails to hear a radio announcement of an escaped mental patient dressed in a Santa Claus outfit in her area.  Of course, he comes straight to her house and she gets into a bit of a juggling act trying to arrange her late husband's corpse, barricade her home, and pull the St. Nick wool over the eyes of her daughter who is anxious to see the Jolly One and won't stay in bed.  Amicus mainstay Chloe Franks plays the daughter, Carol, who eventually lets "Santa" in at the story's climax. 

Joan Collins thinks it's Linda Evans outside her window!

Everything here is played for sheer terror and director Freddie Francis works hard to make the audience's blood freeze when the killer Santa first shows up.  Collins is exceptional at showing off her range of emotions with very little dialogue (she only really ever speaks to her daughter and once to her husband after she's killed him).  She goes from cold and calculated as she arranges the "accident" scene and cleans up the murder scene to fright once "Santa" reaches in through and open window.  All the while, she's trying to let on what happened to her husband even though Carol let's out a "goodnight Daddy" and her prying eyes are constantly on the verge of exposing Joanne's misdeed. 

Santa, wash your hands before taking a cookie please!

The gore is minimal here, though, as it was 1972.  However, the little bit of red stuff that we do see is effective and works well within the context of a "comic book film".  When Joanne first clobbers her husband over the head with the fireplace poker, there's a squirt of very pink blood on the newspaper he's reading.  There's also a messy -- again, very pink -- stain on the white shag carpet that the body collapses onto.  Honestly, it looks as though Collins spilled some pink nail polish onto her groovy carpet . . . but the color is so splashy that looks right at home in the context of a 1970s comic book!  Joanne also collects some of the spilled blood into a champagne glass to effectively dress the scene of the "accident" once she throws her husband's body down the basement stairs.  Although, as she cleans up her tools later on, the "blood" comes off a little too easily with some soap and water. 


All in all, this original version of "...And All Through The House" is the perfect kick-off to a great film where every story is a corker!  In fact, it also may very well be the first (?) [or at least first "modern" - ED.] "Killer Santa" film!  Everything is played pretty straight, though there is an underlying sense of dark humor in the segment's penultimate twist as young Carol finally lets "Santa" into the house with the same sort of naïve and giddy smile any child would have at seeing Saint Nick at their house! 

True be told, the television remake of "...And All Through The House" was actually the first Tales From The Crypt episode that I ever saw -- at least part of it!  I vividly remember my dad being excited about the premiere of Tales From The Crypt, recalling the old comics and there was even Mom chiming in about seeing the 1972 film back in the day as well!  Of course, the first episode was "The Man Who Was Death" with William Sadler taking the law into his own hands after he's laid off as the city jail's executioner; of course, being a good dad and shielding my then 6yr old eyes, my Daddy-O quickly changed the channel at the first sight of female nudity!  We, of course, came back to HBO a short time later, picking up with the "...And All Through The House" episode which, again, I recall Dad putting his foot down and changing it quickly deeming it to be "too scary" for my young eyes!


Alas, series show-runner Robert Zemeckis directed "...And All Through The House", which effectively retells the classic story as seen in the original 1972 film [and Vault of Horror #35 - ED.] though, as with most remakes, things are expanded a bit. 

Drinking too much can cause a splitting headache.

Zemeckis' then wife, the late Mary Ellen Trainor (Dr. Stephanie Woods in the Lethal Weapon films), stars as the wife, killing her second husband (played by the always awesome Marshall Bell), once again, for his insurance money.  Following the same set-up, there's an upstairs daughter who is supposed to be sleeping, whom the wife desperately tries to hide the evidence of the murder from.  Larry Drake also stars as the decidedly more gruesome Jolly Old homicidal maniac, caked with blood and gore in his beared and suit!  There are some subtle changes to the story here as well -- the wife tries to dispose of the body via an outside well, the story is expanded with a lot more action between the wife and "Santa" as he tries methodically tries to get into the house. 

What? No more Lethal Weapon movies?!

Zemeckis plays up the dark humor of the original story, really ramping up an almost cartoonish vibe as "Santa" becomes like Wile E. Coyote, always getting bonked on the head and mugging for the camera before falling out of frame, unconscious.  It's also worth noting that Marshall Bell is great at playing a stiff; he's always displaying a goofy death face -- even with a plastic bag on his head -- and expertly plays dead weight as Trainor drags him out of the house, through the snow and decides just how to dispose of him.  Another comedic moment comes when, after the "Santa" has first shown up, the wife decides to make it look like her husband was axed to death by the killer!  Even though she herself is a cold-blood killer, she still cannot bare to smash an axe into her late husband's head -- his dumb expression peering back her probably doesn't help!  So, she closes her eyes and blindly swings, completely missing him! 


Trainor herself is quite effective as well, as she again displays a range of emotions; going from cold-blooded murderer to a mom whose trying to hide her misdeed to a frightened mom trying to protect herself and her daughter.  Her blood-curdling screams at the story's close as, once again, "Santa" finds his way into the house, are pretty chilling too, if not a bit over the top.

'Dem cookies ya got there are bad for my teeth!

Drake really steals the show here though, as the homicidal maniac.  At the time, he was known for back to back Emmy wins as mentally-handicapped Benny on L.A. Law (his only previous foray into Horror as the similarly challenged Bubba Ritter in the CBS TV movie Dark Night of the Scarecrow some eight years earlier).  Drake is effectively menacing -- again, that nasty shit in his beard probably helps sell it -- without saying a single word until the very end when he utters a "Naughty...or nice?"  His comedic chops are also on display as he gets manhandled and beaten up like a Looney Tunes character, displaying a stunned expression and muttering something that sounds like a Gremlin, just short of seeing stars and tiny, cartoon birds circling his head. 


Ultimately, this episode perfectly sets the tone that the rest of the series would follow -- horror morality tales, soaked in dark humor.  It perfectly updates the (then) modern sensibilities of the story and expands a little to pad out the running time for a full episode.  All in all, not a bad piece!   


If you were to hold a gun to my head and ask me to choose which version of "...And All Through The House" was better, I'd probably go with 1972 because Joan Collins.  Although, my love for that particular telling may be mostly due to the nostalgia I feel for the first time I saw Tales From The Crypt from front to back; the same could be said for the Zemeckis version as well, with a similar nostalgia for the television series!  If you haven't seen either of them, do yourself a favor and make it happen -- Tales From The Crypt is available on Blu-ray from Scream Factory in its original, uncut form, paired in an awesome double feature with its 1973 sequel The Vault of Horror (presented in two different versions!) and, of course, HBO's awesome Tales From The Crypt series is available via Complete Season sets or multi-packs depending on your needs (you wants Season 1, of course, for "...And All Through The House").

Black Christmas (1974)

Few horror films are as synonymous with the seasons they depict -- My Bloody Valentine (Valentine's Day), Halloween (duh), Jaws (summer) -- as Bob Clark's 1974 shocker Black Christmas.  It's an interesting little film that, along with Peeping Tom and Psycho laid the template for what we know as the modern Slasher film [or, at least the 70s and 80s version - ED].  Its got a fairly simple premise:  a sorority house is being stalked by an obscene phone-caller and, soon, the girls start turning up dead...and there's a neat twist, too.  Clark throws in enough twists and turns to make the story interesting and, most importantly, frightening.

There's a certain sense of nostalgia I always get when I sit down and watch Black Christmas and, oddly enough, it has to do with the awesome 70s Christmas lights on display throughout the film.  Anytime these lights -- on the house outside or on the tree inside -- are on-screen, Reg Morris' cinematography has a soft focus, which creates a strange halo on those lights.  Somewhere in my home video library is a Christmas tape from when I was an infant, so we're talking probably '83.  In that clip, my family is at my aunt and uncle's house and, sure enough, their tree and its lights look exactly like what is seen in Black Christmas -- strange halos and all!  Maybe it's just the product of early 80s home video recording equipment, but dammit, it helps to fully immerse me in the world that Clark and writer Roy Moore create!

Another unique aspect of Black Christmas is that the audience never fully sees the killer (spoiler?), instead only seeing shadow-drenched shots of him with maybe an eye or a mouth exposed.  When we're not even seeing the killer, we ARE the killer as Morris' camera allows us to see through his eyes...the blackest eyes...wait, that's a reference for a little bit later on.  But yeah, along with Peeping Tom, this film is one of the earliest examples of placing the audience into the killer's POV!  It's an unnerving effect that, literally from the start of the film, has us all wondering "What the hell is going on here?"
 
Perhaps most bizarre of all the tidbits and background for Black Christmas is that director Bob Clark is also responsible for that other famous Christmas movie . . . A Christmas Story.  For my money, it just proves how diverse he was as an auteur in that he can terrorize Christmas audiences with one film and yet also bring so much joy with the other!  This film came early in Clark's career and still showed echoes of his earlier works like Dead of Night (aka: Deathdream) and Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, but there were hints of where he would eventually go with some of the more comedic elements that were present in Porky's and A Christmas Story; the "fellatio" scene in the police station is straight out of Porky's with Nash's naivety and the hilarious reactions from Lt. Fuller and the laughing detective!  The scene even features Coach Warren from Porky's himself, Doug McGrath!

Doug McGrath as the clueless Nash

John Saxon as Lt. Fuller

As the girls being terrorized by the film's obscene caller, Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder really standout.  Hussey plays Jess with an air of concern and general fright over the calls, while Kidder's Barb borders on the obnoxious with her sarcastic and standoffish reactions to the threats.  Of course, Barb's archetype would later be seen again and again in the genre throughout the 80s and 90s as characters would continue to talk shit to their tormentors.  SCTV's Andrea Martin is also a standout -- although much more subdued than what audiences familiar with her comedic work might expect -- as Phyllis (or Phyl as Jess repeatedly refers to her).  Phyllis is played as sort of the mediator between Jess' panic and Barb's alcohol-induced insults (to the caller and her fellow house sisters), though she herself is also visibly shaken by the events unfolding.

If only Barb had a super man to protect her...

This ain't no party line, ya hoser!

Lynne Griffin as Claire and Andrea Martin as Phyl

Perhaps serving as the film's sort of McGuffin, there's also Lynne Griffin as Claire, who turns up missing in the first reel and sets the plot into motion.  For the sake of spoilers [shame on you for reading this if you haven't already seen the film! - ED], Claire is the first victim and Griffin spends the majority of the film tucked away in the attic, sitting in a rocking chair with a plastic bag over her head.  She plays dead incredibly well actually!  As Claire's worried father Mr. Harrison, James Edmund shows up looking like a dead ringer for Frank Oz.  Edmund's performance perfectly conveys the feelings and emotions that a parent must go through when they fear something has happened to their child.  In fact, Mr. Harrison is probably the film's most tragic character; he comes into the world of the college campus in search of his daughter, immediately getting pelted by a snowball, then is introduced to the free-thinking sorority life, becomes a victim of the obscene phone-calls by default of being in the house as they happen, joins a search party for another missing girl in the area (he's ultimately disappointed when it's not Claire) and then never actually receives the closure of knowing what exactly happened to his beautiful daughter . . . while she's literally right over his head for most of the picture!  It's tragic stuff, folks!

Mr. Harrison doesn't have time for Mrs. Mac's shit!

While some of the lines that Kidder delivers as Barb could be comic relief, most of them play as a bit dated, but then there's Mrs. Mac (played by Marian Waldman of Deranged fame) who, honestly, reminds me of my Gram with her vulgar dialogue!  Mrs. Mac is another great character in Black Christmas, as she's blissfully unaware of what's happening around her (she believes that Claire went off with her boyfriend for the weekend) and is more interesting in tying one on and finding her dear cat Claude. 

On the male side, there's Art Hindle (of The Brood and Invasion of the Body Snatchers) as Claire's hockey playing -- they are in Canada after all -- boyfriend Chris.  Hindle is convincing as a hero type who immediately sets off to the police station when he finds out Claire is missing.  Although, Chris doesn't become the sort of "last survivor hero" type, as this trope hadn't quite been invented yet.  He's likable though.  Also along for the ride is brooding, struggling pianist Peter (2001's Keir Dullea), who is Jess' boyfriend.  Dullea plays Peter with the sort of short fuse and unpredictably possessive nature that has itself become a trope recycled again and again to show a possessive asshole lover.  But it works here, as Peter quickly breaks down when Jess won't talk to him about their baby she's carrying and her decision to get an abortion -- again, this is pretty heavy and timely stuff for 1974! 

Peter just wants to TALK Jess!

If there is a "hero" in the traditional sense though, it's definitely John Saxon as Lt. Ken Fuller (get your Mystery Science Theater 3000 jokes out of the way now because "Hey! Wasn't John Saxon in this movie?").  Saxon is fine as Fuller, a cop who's just trying to figure out what the hell is going on!  When a second girl (after Claire is first reported missing) turns up MIA, Fuller heads a massive search party and Saxon is quite believable and comforting in the search.  Fuller is ultimately cut from the same archetype cloth that Saxon would later revisit ten years later in A Nightmare on Elm Street as Lt. Donald Thompson.

Going back to the film's Prowler (some call him "Billy" as it's a name that he repeatedly says during some of his calls), the film really keeps the audience guessing as to his true identity!  At times both Chris and Peter may as well be in a police lineup, although the former quickly vindicates himself of any potential guilt.  As many times as I've seen the film, I'm not really sure WHO the Prowler is . . . though most signs point to an unhinged Peter finally cracking and offing Jess' friends as he terrorizes her throughout the picture.
 

As an aside, unfortunately (or fortunately, if you're into this sort of thing), the Prowler and "Billy" are further explored in Glen Morgan's 2006 remake (affectionately known as Black X-Mas . . . hey, keep Christ in our Christmas horror movies dammit!), fleshing out some sort of backstory based on "Billy" and "Agnes" (another name the caller repeatedly spews).  On one level, sure it's kinda cool to dig into it and effectively explain what was only implied in the original film . . . but, as is all too often with similar backstory-mining remakes, the question stands:  did what made the original so effective really need to be fleshed out and presented on a silver platter?  Andrea Martin returns as Ms. Mac, which is a cute enough nod to the original, as things are played campy and millennial Slasher, emphasizing gory set pieces over the restrained suspense of the first film.  Bob Clark even served as an Executive Producer, so the remake at least had his seal of approval.  Unfortunately, this remake would be Clark's last project before his tragic death (along with his son!) the following April. 

Andrea Martin and Lacey Chabert in Black Christmas (2006)

Today, with the advent of caller-ID, Black Christmas would probably fail to catch on with a younger audience.  However, its basic premise is still just as powerful as it must have been in 1974; I still say its main twist and final reveal as the camera slowly dollies away from the house is positively skin-crawlingly creepy and depressing!  

Hello?  Hello?!  Hell-ooooooo?

So, if you haven't seen Black Christmas yet, now is the perfect time to snuggle up under a warm blanket and give it a spin.  If you're a longtime fan, check it out again via Scream Factory's just released 2-disc Collector's Edition Blu-ray loaded with new bonus features and even two versions of the film! 

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Let's get this out of the way:  first and foremost, Silent Night, Deadly Night is not a very good film.  While I like it, it's definitely not one that I find myself running back to again and again for repeated viewings, as it usually only gets played during the Christmas season.  While I was too young to remember its theatrical release controversy, I can easily recall seeing its ominous "big box" video tape in video stores throughout my youth. 


That image is what sold me on the film.  It's just so iconic and states exactly what you're gonna get with a title like Silent Night, Deadly Night!   Here is a film that goes balls out to add its own twisted take on the Slasher Killing On A Holiday subgenre . . . and does so with the sort of glee and shock value one might expect from a classic grindhouse picture!

My original big box VHS copy of the film.

The plot is pretty simple:  as an 8yr old, after a twisted "Santa Claus punishes bad little boys and girls" warning from his dementia-fogged Grandpa, Billy watched his parents get brutally murdered by a gas station robber dressed in a Santa Claus suit.  Billy and his infant brother are sent to live in a local orphanage, where he continues to act out around Christmas time, having not really coped with what he saw that fateful night.  Billy's sense of reality continues to crack as he then witnesses two people making love and then is promptly caught by Mother Superior, who immediately punishes him for having witnessed such filth (and the couple for doing the deed).  At the age of 18, Billy has started working at a small toy store, where he quickly becomes a favorite good guy employee...until the Christmas season arrives and he's forced to fill in for the store's Santa.  From that point on, all hell breaks loose as Billy sets out on a yuletide murder spree.

Look, we don't watch Silent Night, Deadly Night for the smart decisions that its script doesn't make -- having someone traumatized by Santa Claus get a job at a toy store is bound for trouble around the holiday season!  We watch it (and love it!) for the over the top kills, carnage and distorted Christmas spirit that it conveys!  For someone with a slightly dark sense of humor, Silent Night, Deadly Night is a perfect fit when it comes to Christmas movies. 

Yes, that's Back To The Future's Mr. Peabody as Grandpa!

Acting-wise, Silent Night, Deadly Night was never going to win any awards, though Lilyan Chauvin is excellent as Mother Superior and character actor Britt Leach (Weird Science, The Great Outdoors) is effective as doomed toy store owner Ira Simms.  As a matter of fact, its star, Robert Brian Wilson, was initially said to be so ashamed of the film that he avoided talking about it for years after, only recently showing up at Horror conventions and eager to greet long time fans!  Genre favorite Linnea Quigley also shows up . . . to take her top off and quickly get impaled on a set of mounted antlers in one of the film's crazier kills!

Lilyan Chauvin as Mother Superior

Britt Leach as doomed toystore owner Ira Simms

What really helps sell a film like Silent Night, Deadly Night is its premise and the over the top kills that occur throughout its running time!  Also helping it along was the controversy surrounding its original -- and brief -- theatrical release from TriStar Pictures; the fury over it was so great, the film was pulled after two weeks, shelved, and eventually dumped on home video a year later, where its legend continued to grow.  Throughout the 80s and 90s, many kids like myself would frequent local video stores and see USA Home Video's big box cassette on shelves and react with a combined sense of fright, intrigue and awe.  It was almost a right of passage to see this film...though I ultimately cannot recall the first time I saw it myself. 

Robert Brian Wilson punishes the naughty as Billy

Speaking of over the top kills, this is probably the only movie where a cop guns down a deaf Santa Claus in front a bunch of kids!!  Come on man! 

Of course, the film was successful enough to spawn four sequels; the first of which, 1987's Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, itself became an internet sensation with its hilarious "Garbage Day" murder sequence.  A loose remake even followed in 2012, but you're better off just sticking to the OG as it's pure grindhouse trash, perfect to keep you toasty by the fire on a cold December night.

Christmas Eve is the scariest damn night of the year!

Friday the 13th (1980): Looking Back on Camp Blood

First off, Happy Friday the 13th everyone!  I trust you're all in the midst of your date-appropriate marathons of Jason's greatest adventures!

Give me a few minutes of your time to talk about the original, and for my money, still the best entry in the long-running series....1980's Friday the 13th.  I recently posted my own gut-reaction ranking of all 12 films in the series with the original being at the top.  Of course, this caused a bit of head-scratching among my friends and family, so allow me to explain....

There was a time when all things Friday the 13th were sort of taboo in my life.  The most intense thing I'd seen was the trailer for Leatherface:  Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 before a screening of A Nightmare on Elm Street 5 when I was 7yrs old.  Aside from a brief peek on USA Up All Night and maybe a scene or two on Cinemax or HBO while my parents weren't looking or were out of the room, I'd never seen any of the Friday the 13th movies.  As a kid in the 80s, Jason Voorhees was a playground legend; you were considered cool if you'd see a Friday the 13th movie.  Hell, I remember when my hometown movie theater showed Friday the 13th Part VIII and I thought my babysitter's daughter had guts and was cool as hell for going to see it!

I'd say my love affair with Friday the 13th, the first film, goes back to 1993.  I was 12yrs old and it was right around the time that Jason Goes To Hell was being released.  I don't remember the exact first time I saw the original film, but I do know for sure that I went and told everyone that I had finally seen "the one that started it all."  

Shortly before I was born (1980, to be exact), my parents had been dating for a short while and had made a habit of seeing horror movies on their double dates.  Dawn of the Dead and Silent Scream were two that Dad loves to tell stories about!  Of course, his greatest story is that of going to see Friday the 13th; Dad and his friend knew it wasn't over as Alice lay in that canoe and they kept assuring Mom and her friend that "it's all over" . . . as soon as Jason popped up from the mucky lake to pull Alice under, the ladies of the double date had to be peeled off the ceiling of the theater!  Classic stuff right?  You can kinda see where I get the love from, no? 

The film itself is simple and has a home-grown nature to it; sort of like a band's demo tape from "before they got big".  All the traits that will eventually make it a household name are there...they're just a little rougher.  

Everything in the movie just clicks with me.  The music is fantastic and creepy (by the time you hear the same similar score throughout all the sequels, although it was still Harry Manfredini and still cool, it just felt like a copy of the original).  The special effects are top-notch and I think are only matched by Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, again created by Tom Savini.  The acting is...well, I wouldn't say Oscar-caliber, but it's charming and believable to me.  Finally, the story is simple and contains all the elements of a great campfire tale told at a summercamp!  

One thing the series itself is known for is its seemingly endless supply of teenage stereotypes, often times introducing a character only to be machete fodder for Jason mere minutes later.  Again, I wouldn't say that the character in the original Friday the 13th are fully rounded-out characters (this IS a horror movie and I'm not here for Shakespeare, ya know?), I would maybe put them a level or so below the characters in the A Nightmare On Elm Street series.  For me, the teens in Friday's main competitor were more believable and were actually kids that I'd either wanted to be, already was to extent, or would want to hang out with.  The counselors in Friday the 13th seemed real enough to me and I took stock in their untimely fates.

Also, as a kid, you can imagine how many kids I know who went to "the camp from Friday the 13th"...probably the same amount of kids I knew who swore they either had a hoverboard or knew a kid who had one.  When I later found out that the movie had indeed been filmed in my homestate of New Jersey, that made it even cooler!  

The movie LOOKED like areas that I either played in right outside my house or the "summer home" that we had in upstate Pennsylvania in LeRoy Township.  Hell, the road that Ned/Jack/Marcie drive down on their way to the camp, as well as the "town" of Crystal Lake itself, all looked like they were right out of LeRoy, PA!   You look at the sequels and, aside from part 2 (which was filmed in Connecticut), you can tell they're not filmed on the East Coast.

Me, circa 1986, on the front porch of the house belonging to my Dad's hunting club.

They should have filmed the sequels up here at Sunfish Pond!

Another shot of Sunfish Pond.

This may as well have been a cabin in Friday the 13th!

 

 

 

Me, the last time I visited Sunfish Pond.

The fictional Camp Crystal Lake also looked like a very real area cubscout camp I had attended for a few brief hours (long story short...I didn't stick around after the initial tour and left my fellow pack members).  

Some people get freaked out by the faux-realism of a horror movie that's done in the "found footage" style...but me, just film it in my backyard and I'm sold!  

Speaking of the actual locations where the film was shot, the fact that I've been able to visit them multiple times over the years probably has something to with my undying love.  

Checking out the Mechanic's Lodge, which doubled for Alice's cabin!

Standing in front Jack and Marcie's cabin.  This is where Kevin Bacon got the arrow in his neck!

 

Sandee and I on the REAL Crystal Lake!

MANIAC: NYC's Grindhouse King

 

Would you just LOOK at that poster art?!  If ever there was a Horror movie poster that accurately described to the viewer exactly what they were in for, it's this one!  Genre favorites Joe Spinell and William Lustig came together to leave a very unique (and very bloody) mark on Horror movies with this 1980 shocker.

I'd first heard about Maniac sometime in the early to mid 90s as I was diving head long into Dawn of the Dead and everything Tom Savini!  I clearly recall a review of Elite's special edition laserdisc in an issue of Fangoria and found myself wondering aloud "how did I miss this one?!"  I quickly found a copy of Anchor Bay's VHS port of that special edition (you know the release...the one with the white box) and immediately fell in love with the lurid tale of Frank Zito:  super for a low-rent apartment building by day and Night Stalker by, er, night. 

If you know Joe Spinell's story, you know how close he famously was with Sylvester Stallone -- hence his appearence in the first two Rocky films.  Bill Lustig has often stated that Maniac was "Spinell's Rocky" in that it was the actor's pet project, much in the same way of his famous friend.  Spinell researched newspaper articles and clippings about real-life killers to come up with a composite that would eventually be the script for this film. 

The story follows Frank Zito as he deals with some severe mother issues and, much like the shark in Jaws, hunts and kills innocent women on the streets of New York City, circa 1979/1980. On the surface, this could have been just another exploitative piece of garbage; a guy hacking up women just because.  But no...because of the heart that Spinell and Lustig poured into this one while shooting it guerilla-style . . . it's got something more to it. 

I imagine this is probably what it looked like while Spinell was writing!

 One of my favorite elements to Maniac is its portrayal of New York's seedier side in its locations; Old New York, if you will . . .  a place that I can never visit thanks to "flippin' Giuliani".  Even though it wasn't exactly the safest place to be, I'd love to spend just a few hours on 42nd Street sometime in the early 80s, checking out all the Grindhouse movie theaters (the Horror ones of course). 

Forget going back to the future, give me Old New York any time!

 The other standout here is, of course, Tom Savini's incredible special effects work.  Here, Savini found himself the equivalent to a Michael Jordan Three-peat:  Dawn of the Dead, Friday the 13th, and Maniac!  The guy was simply on fire and quickly earning the many fan and press-appointed titles bestowed upon him throughout the 80s. 

Here, Savini sees George Romero's first draft for Day of the Dead!

One thing that has always made me sort of scratch my head about Maniac though is the budding romance that occurs during the picture's second half between Spinell's Frank ZIto and Caroline Munro's Anna D'Antoni.  A guy who could be Ron Jeremy's stunt double meets (and woos) a beautiful fashion photographer who was probably once a model herself.  Not only does the physical attraction seem odd, but the way that Frank sleezes his way into Anna's life . . . the creepo factor is definitely at an 11! 

Caroline Munro:  Maybe I should take him to the zoo?

Let's go back to that poster art shall we?

 

 

 THIS is how they used to make posters for Horror movies back in the day kiddos!  You won't find any of that "floating heads staring back at you" or "generic font for the title" BS on this classic poster!  No sir...this is straight-up and in your face about what this film is all about.  In fact, it's art like this that really makes me yearn for the old days of having actual art on a poster instead a Photoshopped collage combined with the other two tropes I mentioned. 

 

When it comes to Maniac, it's also worth mentioning the 2012 remake helmed by Franck Khalfoun (of High Tension fame) and starring Elijah Wood in the titular role.  While it transplants the action from seedy New York to the brighter lights and bigger city of Los Angeles, on paper, this combination may sound silly...but it actually works.  There are some really great nods to the original (including a great shot replicating the classic poster image) and the film's first-person POV style amps up the grizzly factor.  Surprisingly, it's a worthy successor to Lustig's original!

 

Even though the days of seeing (and making) films as brutal and filthy as the original Maniac may be long gone, we still have countless VHS, laserdisc, DVD, and bluray releases (and the odd midnight screening in your local theater if you're lucky! to pour over.  Not just a typical "slasher" film, this is one that gets up under your skin and leaves a stain that stays with you forever!

TORSO (1973)

Sergio Martino's TORSO is one of those movies that I'd always heard about and read about over the last handful of years.  Back in the day, I'd seen posters and other artwork for it at conventions, but never took the time to check it out….

Until this past weekend.

Easily a quintessential Italian Giallo, Torso tells the tale of a crazed "psychosexual" killer terrorizing a group of college girls.  While watching it, I was amazed at how many bits and pieces (pun intended) were direct blueprints for the Slasher craze of the 70s and 80s!  A lot people seem to hail Black Christmas as the prototypical Slasher film, but watching a few Giallos from the likes of Martino, Dario Argento, and even Lucio Fulci, and it's clear to see where this Italian subgenre bled itself into the veins of the Slasher boom.

 The story begins with a double murder which leads to a game of "who dunnit" with one of the main girls having some idea of who the killer might be.  All the while, the viewer is kept guessing while the bodies start quickly piling up. 

One standout sequence involves a girl -- having just smoke some dope in a hippy hideaway -- being chased through a muddy swamp, with the killer seemingly appearing from the foggy haze ahead of her.  

The setting quickly shifts when the group of girlfriends decide to "get away from it all" for a weekend at a cottage high atop of a mountainside, overlooking a rustic Italian village.  Naturally, the killer follows them . . . and there are some surprises as everything unfolds, leading up to the big reveal.  

Possibly the best part of the film involves an intense game of "cat & mouse" as the Final Girl is trapped inside the cottage and witnesses the killer dismembering several victims for disposal.  Seriously, this part of the film ranks right up there with HItchcock!  

You might feel a little let down by the revelation of who the killer is and, more likely, exhausted by his long-winded reasoning for committing all of the murders, but I thought it was still a fun time! 

Torso is now available of DVD and Blu-ray from Blue Underground, so definitely check it out!!

Final Exam (1981)

In honor of Horror Hound magazine's awesome tribute to all things 1981 in their latest issue, I decided to finally check out some of the titles I've had for a while, but have somehow managed to avoid.

Where do I start with this "gem"?

Lanier College in Anywhere, USA is coming upon the end of its system where...wait for it...final exam(s) are taking place. One of the local frats pulls a pretty insane prank (I'll get to that in a little bit), which sets up the school nerd/tattletale/over-achiever/self-appointed genius Raddish, to become a whistle blower for all things abnormal. Of course the joke's on him because of the prank and now the frat wants to rough him up a bit and the backwoods sheriff accuses him of being a Boy Who Cried Wolf. Man...this kid can't get a break. Suddenly, students start dropping like flies and the bodies start piling up. Will Raddish call the cops again and risk looking like a fool? Will he survive his Final Exam?















Things start off promising with some cool, grainy cinematography.

Alright, so the poster looks kinda cool despite the obvious Friday the 13th ripoff. Maybe the killer is wearing some sort of cool mask that will make up for whatever shortcomings the movie might have . . .

Nah, he's a Gerard Depardieu stunt double wearing an olive drab Army longsleeve, a pair of jeans, and your average, shit-kicker work boots. Hardly impressive, right? Maybe he's got a cool backstory or some insane motive for knocking off all these stupid college students . . .

Nah, he just comes and goes with the wind. Dude doesn't even have a name for crying out loud!! I guess maybe writer/director Jimmy Huston was trying to channel the creepiness of Michael Myers' "killer with no motive"/pure eeeeee-vil vibe . . . but failed miserably.















Ladies and gentlemen: our killer.

Honestly, the only thing the killer can do well in Final Exam is catch arrows with bare hands and ride a dumbwaiter standing up(seriously!). The kills are pretty unimaginative and the gore is nowhere to be found except for some blood coming out of a victim's mouth or appearing on their face when their body turns in the last reel.

Raddish, as played by Joel Rice, should be the example of the type of character every Horror character shouldn't be. He's whiny, nerdy beyond words (the kid friggin' announces "I can't help it! I'm a genius!" when he finishes a final exam before the rest of the class) and probably wouldn't even be able to make friends with someone as annoying as Encyclopedia Brown. There's one scene where he visits a female character who's stressing about boys . . . to give her the sort of pep talk Stuart Smalley would blush over. Dude...and I'll only say this once: she's stressing about a guy who's being a butthole -- her defenses are down. Make your move! Give her that shoulder to cry on and those arms to hold her. But yeah . . . poor Raddish comes off like a
nerd prototype for "Degrasi, Jr High" (the original one). Dude gets what he deserves.















Somewhere, Jack Torrance is proud. I guess.

One of the things Huston tries to do to make Final Exam stand out from other slasher pictures of the times is focus more on the kids . . . er, college students. I'll give him an "A" for effort, but the execution is so terribly boring that it really makes the movie become bad ABC After School Special with "some" scenes from an amatuer slasher movie thrown in. There is so much time spent trying to develop the characters (none of which can really act all that well) that I forgot I was watching an '80s slasher movie!!

Remember that prank the frat pulls that I mentioned earlier? Yeah, well, speaking of forgetting which movie you're watching . . . early on, the killer is driving around in a black van, right? Not too long after this is established, another van -- which is brown and clearly doesn't look anything like the other one -- roles onto campus. Did the killer decide to switch vans? Did the production think no one would notice that they banged up the director's Uncle Seymor's van and figured the audience wouldn't noticed if they replaced it with a brown one?

The head-scratching continues when dudes in ski-masks, brandishing M-16's hop out and start mowing people down. Seriously.















Somebody better call The A-Team because some dollar store terrorists are shooting up the local college.

So Final Exam just turned into Kent State? I'm confused.

Oh wait . . . it's just the frat pulling a prank way too elaborate for their star keg-stander, Wild Man, to execute. They grab the "bodies" of the two kids who fall victim to their gunfire and drive off with them. Is this some sort of hazing prank, part of Hell Week? Oh, it's all a distraction so the lead frat guy can switch write a passing score on his final exam and waltz out of the building like he just finished his test.

Sure, the movie is pretty confusing, but you wanna know the single most insane bit about Final Exam? The DVD is currently out of print and copies of it are going for ridiculous prices on ebay and Amazon.

Go ahead and do a search right now. I'll wait.

Forget it, I'll show you myself.

Nuts, isn't it?















Yup. That's the body of a dumb jock stuffed into that skinny locker.

Anyway, this movie is pretty terrible and those who know me know that some of my favorite movies are pieces of trash. But man . . . this one sucks so hard. Skip it!