What EXACTLY Is Wrong With 'Freddy Vs. Jason'

Okay, so it's been nearly ten years since everyone's favorite 80s slashers squared off on the big screen.   As a fan of A Nightmare on Elm Street since the age of 5, to say I was excited (as every other Nightmare and Friday fan was, no doubt) when Freddy's gloved hand reached up from the depths of Hell and pulled Jason's hockey mask down with it in the closing moments of Jason Goes To Hell . . . well, that'd be a complete understatment of course!

Easily of the earliest films I can remember being into and excited for that wound up in Development Hell, the storied saga of trying to bring Freddy Vs. Jason to the screen would make for a great Horror movie in and of itself.  Various script ideas floated around Hollywood; cults of Freddy and Jason worshippers and even a boxing match between the two terror titans were just some of the ideas bantered about by any screenwriter worth his weight in gold.  

Finally, in 2003, it happened.  New Line Cinema pimped the hell out of the movie before its release -- complete with a press conference between Freddy and Jason that was set up and ended like most real professional boxing match press events.  

I can remember seeing the film on opening night with some friends and my Mom (hey, my mom's cool as hell, alright!?) and, sure it was great to see Freddy again on screen . . . but . . . something was off about the movie.  At the time, I don't think I could put my finger on it, and I probably saw it a couple times in the theater in an attempt to convince myself I liked it.

Then it came out on DVD and, since I worked at a video store at the time, I managed to get a copy before it officially went on-sale and thought I was King Shit.  There was an "alternate ending" even included . . . true to most "special edition" BS DVDs, this amounted to nothing special or much alternate as I can recall (I probably haven't watched it since it came out on disc). 

Anyway, now for the reasoning behind this article . . . you see my wife and I go through various "marathons" where we'll watch an entire series of Horror movies in the space of a week.  We've done the Fridays and Nightmares a few times . . . and pretty much EVERY time, I refuse to watch Freddy Vs. Jason.   Most people ask, "why?  what's wrong with it?"  Well, dear reader, let's go to work . . . 


1.) The Introduction/Backstory Flashback . . .

This scene basically spits in the eye of anyone in the 80s who, at the height of his fame, thought Freddy was geared towards kids.

I can clearly remember various interviews where Robert Englund seemed to talk down about the later Nightmare sequels for mining Freddy's backstory . . . "they love that back story".  That may be true, but here, it's just out of place and pretty bad.  Also, Freddy's strange narration over it (and throughout the movie) is totally out of character and pointless.  Sure, perhaps not everyone who went to see Freddy Vs. Jason grew up on the two series where the characters came from . . . but, like any sequel, it shouldn't have to set things up so blatantly for the audience.  I wouldn't go see Return of the King if I didn't see the first two Lord of the Rings movies, ya know?  

Unfortunately, it was mostly downhill from this point in the movie . . .

2.) The Fake Mrs. Voorhees

Where the hell was Betsy Palmer??  Come on New Line, you're killing me here.

One thing most of the studios know about Horror fans is that they're incredibly loyal.  Despite the 47th sequel to Friday the 13th or Halloween, the moment we walk out of that theater disappointed, we're always saying or thinking "Maybe they'll get it right with the next one" and, of course, we'll be there on opening night!

But, what they don't seem to realize or remember is that Horror fans are incredibly detail-oriented.  We pay attention.  Just look on-line for fans' reactions to what the mask looks like when a new Halloween movie is announced!  Of course Freddy Vs. Jason had to dig into both characters' backstory and, for Jason, that meant bringing in Mrs. Voorhees.  

Iconic is a word that doesn't even begin to describe Mrs. Voorhees.  Sure, Betsy Palmer might not have been available, but could New Line have at least tried to find someone who looked like her or could act like her?  And what's with the red sweater?  Guys...you're killing me here!

3.) This Stupid Guy And His Revenge Oath

Okay, listen up, everyone loves it when they have a character to root for.  In these types of films, it's usually the Final Girl or at least one character who vows to avenge the death of a fallen friend (who was usually killed by the villian) . . . hey, it's a driving plot element in Rocky IV and has worked for countless Action films since then!

The audience cheers and stands behind the revenge-seeking character and usually triumphs with them by the final reel.  The ANOES series had plenty of these types of characters and, to be fair, so did the F13 series . . . each one had varying results of success of course. 

But this guy?  Not convincing at all. 

Go ahead and watch this scene again and try not to laugh at his "I'm gonna get him...for you" monologue.   I remember seeing this for the first time in the theater and slapping my forehead because of this "kid's" performance here...yes, I know neither of these series won any awards for acting, but come on.  The worst part is how this guy is hitting a flask as he's giving this revenge monologue.

Please.  If there was any more wood in this scene, the production would have been able to accurately recreate the 1428 Elm Street house (but, more on that later...)

 4.) Freddy's Constant Narration/Breaking The Fourth Wall 

 If fans complained about Freddy being a wise-cracker, they must have really lost their minds over his constant MC'ing throughout this mess. 

On one hand, I can understand Freddy having some sort of inner monologue . . . but to dumb it down to the extent that he's talking to the camera in almost every scene?  This is definitely not the Freddy we grew up with.

Please.  If there was any more wood in this scene, the production would have been able to accurately recreate the 1428 Elm Street house (but, more on that later...
  
5.) This kid.

Why does this guy act so serious every single time he's on screen?

Canadian actor, Brendan Fletcher, plays Mark Davis, a friend of Jason Ritter's Will Rollins character.  Pretty much every single time Mark is in a scene, he has this melo-dramatic tone of speaking and generally comes off as too emo for his own good.  

In this particular scene above, he hilariously recites the Jump Rope Song "1, 2, Freddy's coming for you..." with all of the effect of a David Draiman from Disturbed.

Almost instantly, I hated this character.  He was a cardboard cut-out that instantly felt at home in a later Friday the 13th movie, again, making me realize just how much better the ANOES series was over the Friday movies.  Where the characters in Crystal Lake felt like stereotypes of people I didn't know (and wasn't), the characters from Springwood felt a little more dimensional and I could often relate to a few of them throughout the series.

The main thing that really bugged me about this Mark character is the complete and utter failure of using him to bridge the ANOES series to this turd (which, come to think of it, may be a good thing).  Throughout the entire movie, he keeps talking about "my brother", insinuating that his brother was a previous victim of Freddy Krueger.  In Friday the 13th:  The Final Chapter, the character of Rob was hunting Jason for killing his sister (Sandra from Friday the 13th Part II).  I know, great way to tie the first handful of movies together right?

There's also some great continuity of characters throughout the initial ANOES movies as well.  I'm a self-admitted Horror fan who loves continuity throughout sequels.  Here, Mark's constant reminding to the audience that his brother was killed by Freddy at some point opens the door for a wealth of possible cameos or nods back to the Nightmare series.  I kept thinking, "Who could it be??"

All of this build up and teasing leads me to the next thing that wrong . . . 


6.) Mark's much talked about brother is . . .  

Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! We were trapped. There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!

SCUT FARKUS from A Christmas Story?  Really?  This is who melo-dramatic Mark's brother who was killed by Freddy is?  

No.

This is completely a missed opportunity on this movie.  They easily could have had a character from the ANOES series pop in for a quick cameo and make the fans happy.

Granted, Zack Ward has moved on quite a bit from the role of Scut Farkus, but at this point, I can't remember seeing him in anything other than that iconic role.  This was just distracting casting as far as I'm concerned.  
  
7.) Lochlyn Munro.

Derp, Derp, Derpa Derpa Derp.

I'm sure Lochlyn Munro is an upstanding citizen and fine actor . . . but between his roles in Dead Man On Campus and Scary Movie, the guy has become typecast -- at least in my eyes -- as a bumbling doofus.

Honestly, I remember the moment he stepped on-screen as Deputy Do-Gooder, I laughed out loud.

Yeah, I know Freddy Vs. Jason isn't an Oscar contender, but I just could not take anything this character said or did seriously. 

That's all I have for now . . . yes, there will be a Part 2 to this article.

Stay tuned.