Sometime in either late April or early May of 1996, as I lay there in bed trying to fall asleep, I decided to grab my Walkman and take a brief survey of the radio waves courtesy of 94.1 WYSP. Almost immediately, my ears filled with the last 1/3 of a brand NEW Metallica song! My arms and legs kicked with excitement as I sprung up in bed, eagerly listening to this new song from my all-time favorite band. Images of the band thrashing about to “Until It Sleeps”, their long hair (or at least Hetfield’s mullet from ‘94/’95) whipping around, danced in my head. I eagerly stalked WYSP for the next couple nights, hoping to catch the song again and record it to cassette – which I, of course, did and proceeded to play the hell out of!
Later that month, I saw them on TV talking about the new record; after what seemed like eons of being in the dark as they toiled away under a shroud of secrecy, Metallica were finally ready to release their sixth album, Load. There they were, via an MTV News clip, sitting side-by-side on a road case talking about not giving a fuck – and they all had new, short haircuts! *gasp* The horror! I do remember my eyes bulging out of my head for a split second, but other than that, I was cool with the short hair. Other than that slight shock, I was game for what came next.
Back then, Metal Edge magazine was my go-to for any and all info on the band – never mind that I had a completed membership form for The Metallica Club that I somehow either lost or never sent in – and it was on the back cover of an issue that I saw the first promo image, advertising the release date of June 4. There they were: black pants, white tank-tops, Kirk with wing-tip shoes, black sunglasses and shorter hair. It wasn’t evident in this picture, but Hetfield still had the last remnants of 1995’s Ulti-mullet.
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| This band shot was what was on that original ad on the back cover of Metal Edge. |
Sometime right before the record’s release day of 6/4/96, WYSP actually played it in full – all 78:59 of its 14 tracks. You bet I recorded it, though I had a difficult time trying to figure out the song titles as the DJ didn’t speak very clearly. However, that wouldn’t do and I definitely needed to pick up the CD myself when it was released…..on 6/4/96, my Mom took me to the Phillipsburg Mall and I purchased it from Alwilk Music, which had tons of record flats emblazoned with the album’s controversial cover art. Before seeing it with my own eyes, my buddy Chris had seen it and said it looked like fire….of course, it was Semen & Blood III, but nonetheless.
It’s hard to believe that twenty years have now gone by since Metallica released Load. In those twenty years, I’ve graduated 8th grade, started high school, fell in/out of love numerous times, saw Metallica for the first time, got my first job, got fired from my first job, learned to drive, graduated high school, started and graduated community college, met my true love, started at and graduated from Rutgers University, moved out of my childhood home and far away to Chicago, finally met Metallica (and saw them another 20+ times, including being on-stage with them last summer at Lollapalooza), got married, and became a home-owner. Looking back, it’s crazy to still be able to close my eyes and literally put myself back into my best friend’s kitchen, the Until It Sleeps cassette single clutched in my hand, as I experienced the first moment someone actually HATED Metallica because of this new record and their overall stylistic and musical changes that came with it.
So, to mark the occasion of Load’s 20th anniversary, I’m going to take a look back at each of the album’s 14 tracks….
“Ain’t My Bitch” – leading up to the album’s release, I’d read every interview I could, clamoring for information. One piece of info that I gained from this research was the fact that the band had used working titles for songs; so basically, in any given pre-released interview, they could be talking about “ZZ Top Song” or “Dusty”, neither of which appear on the actual album, though I believe the former is “Poor Twisted Me”. Anyway, one working title or demo title was “Bitch”. I actually remember calling WSYP and leaving a voicemail on some producer’s line requesting “Bitch…by Metallica”. As a song, I’ve always liked it; it’s a strong statement about where the band’s collective attitude was – “fuck you. If you don’t like, it’s not my problem.” As I was entering my teen years, I started to really look deep into song lyrics and connect to them; Ain’t My Bitch was no different in that I consciously tried to avoid people who brought me down (in this case folks who hated on Metallica and gave me shit for it). Live, I think it’s a great song that I’d like to see make a return some day . . . my favorite live performances are from the three dates on the Blitzkrieg ’97 summer festival circuit, where it had a slightly different intro.
“2x4” – truly the first track from Load that I’d heard, via a bootleg CD titled Hey, Hey We’re The Lemmys! The song had been first played live on 8/23/95 during a special MetClub-only gig at London’s LA2 club and a recording of that track (along with Reload’s “Devil’s Dance” -- also premiered at this show) was on the CD. I loved it immediately and, to this day, I find myself headbanging/headbobbing along with its riff all the way through. Live, I’ve never seen it performed, but the recording from Donington 8/26/95 that was a B-side to Until It Sleeps has always sounded better to me. I think the tempo is a bit faster and the fact that there are only 2 guitars throughout (instead of the layered production on the actual studio recording) makes the song livelier and, overall, just better. Again, I’d love to see it get dusted off and played live again sometime soon.
“The House That Jack Built” – an epic song as far as I’m concerned and one that needs to be played live, though I can kinda guess why it’s remained unplayed; the solo alone may prove difficult since James did it through a talk box, something that has never been used live by Metallica. Much like “Master of Puppets”, this song pretty much scared me away from even trying drugs or booze. I wouldn’t say it’s a straight edge song of course, but it definitely has the “get it away” mentality that I’d find in various hardcore bands. Lyrically, I think it’s some of James’ best work; it’s chock full of vivid nightmare imagery from start to finish. The chorus is a monster, too. That main riff is heavy and demands that you bob along to it.
“Until It Sleeps” – although it’s been vilified over the last two decades as one of their worst songs, I’ve always loved it. I think the most fascinating thing about it now that it's 20 years old – I can close my eyes and immediately be back on the rail at Woodstock ’99 where I was grateful that it wasn’t played (I’ve only seen it live 3 times) as I’d kinda grown bored with it by then. However, absence always makes the heart grow fonder and, currently, this is one of my favorites. I think the song unfairly caught a lot of backlash because of its accompanying video -- because, ew, eye make-up, fingernail polish, and a hairnet(!?). Lyrically and musically, it was probably one of the heavier tracks to come out in 1996; James’ lyrics reflecting his father’s recent passing from Cancer paint a very dark and grim picture of control, infection, and perhaps most mad of all, some sort of sick comfort.
“King Nothing” – In high school, I’d often refer to myself as King Nothing. Not sure why I did, but I liked the ring of it. As a song, it’s not bad and it’s always great live. I’d seen it at almost every show between ’97 and ’00, so it was refreshing to not see it in 2003 and then to have it pop back up into the rotation in ’04 (where it sounded a bit off though). Truth be told, when it was played last summer at Lollapalooza, it was the first time I’d seen it live in eleven years. I’ll never forget watching the premiere of the music video one morning before leaving for school…still one of my favorite music videos.
“Hero of the Day” – never had a problem with this song. In fact, I can remember coming home from school one afternoon, my Load cassette blasting from my Walkman, and the exact moment that a lightbulb went off in my brain about this song. It was the line “’scuse me while I tend to how I feel” that had a Eureka moment for me. I guess that line (and the rest of the lyrics on the album) was Emo to me before I’d even understood the term. Always dug the music video for it, too; thought the chick in it was hot and the dude was cool because he had a Rancor action figure on top of his TV. I thought the video as a cool departure in that the band members don’t play or perform the song (aside from James singing a couple lines while briefly shown on a news clip).
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| The art for the rare, radio-only promo single for "Bleeding Me". |
“Cure” – an okay song that, honestly, I’ve skipped a bunch of times until I recently listened to the record from front to back. When the record first came out, I liked the song though I obviously knew it wasn’t anything to write home about and would never be considered a classic. Lyrically, it’s a bit repetitive, but I still enjoy it. I’m actually kinda glad that it’s never been played live though.
“Poor Twisted Me” – a lot of people absolutely hate this song, but I don’t. It’s not a “bad” song…it’s just different. The vocal effect that James uses throughout it though? That’s always annoyed me on other songs, but here it’s not too bad. I quite like the acoustic version that I first heard on the “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You” pirate radio show in December, 1997. Kinda bummed that I’ve never seen any of its few acoustic live performances as I think the song works better as a sort of “sitting on the front porch and jamming” kind of tune.
“Wasting My Hate” – always liked this song. In high school, it served a purpose for me with people who didn’t necessarily like me…I wasn’t gonna waste my hate on them myself, ya know? At my first show on 3/7/97, I was a bit bummed when this was played instead of Fuel or Devil’s Dance, but until the Fillmore show on 12/7/11, it was the only time I’d seen the song played live. I think it works really well live and, as a matter of fact, the performance from Later…With Jools Holland in ’96 was great!
“Mama Said” – admittedly, when I first heard the steel pedal guitar in this song, I was shocked. Hey, I was a 13yr old kid with a very narrow mindset when it came to music and musical tastes. Country was garbage. Pop and Rap were garbage. Alternative was garbage. You kinda get the point. Anyway, lyrically, I think this song is one of James’ deepest and most personal. It’s a really heartbreaking song when you listen to its lyrics. Actually, I think the solo version that James performed a couple of times in 1996 is better than the studio version; just one voice and one acoustic guitar. It’s interesting that this song was released as a single only overseas though; the video is pretty interesting and, like the Hero of the Day clip, is also a major departure for the band since it just features James alone, with the other guys popping up for a quick cameo.
“Thorn Within” – “Hey! That’s the riff to Sex Type Thing!” Later on, it became “Hey! That’s the Snakes of Christ riff!” Over the years, I’ve seen people pretty divided over this song, but I happen to think it’s a fine one. It could be pretty cool if it ever got played live, too. Lyrically, it’s what I would call “typical Load” in that it focuses on someone feeding off of the negative and finding pleasure in sort of stewing about in hatred and disgrace. In the age-old “what if Load and Reload were combined into one record” debate, I’d definitely keep this one.
“Ronnie” – perhaps one of the most vilified songs in Metallica’s entire catalog . . . a song built around a Skynyrd-esque, greasy Southern-fried riff with lyrics telling the story of an odd boy who shot a bunch of people. I wouldn’t say it’s one of my favorite songs ever, but it’s okay and kinda fun, but definitely something that I can’t take too seriously. It’s funny because so many people complained about the Country flair of this song that it almost seemed as though “The Unforgiven II”, with its relentless use of a B-bender throughout was James saying “You want Country? Suck on this!” One of my hopes for the inevitable deluxe remaster box set of Load is for the remaining unreleased demos to be included – among them, the demo of Ronnie with different lyrics about “…and all the white headstones in rows like Georgia cotton”. Though it’s never been performed live (thank God?), it was jammed on here and there in ’96 and ’97 as a pre-show or encore jam.
“The Outlaw Torn” – I remember playing this for my good Metallica buddy who had been struggling with the image change and some of the more streamlined songs and looser riffs on this record. As the intro faded in, he was like “this part’s cool…” and then I think he kinda dismissed it once it turned into the epic jam that most fans all know and love. While I’ve never particularly been a fan of jam bands like The Grateful Dead, I would definitely call this a jam song. It’s currently the longest song in the catalog (not counting Lulu’s “Junior Dad” of course) with it being so long, in fact, that it had to be edited with a fade out in order to properly fit on the CD! Personally, I’ve always loved this song and immediately connected with its lyrics – especially the second chorus/bridge towards the end. It’s just a great, epic fucking song. I can remember daydreaming about how it would sound if it were ever played live….and then, of course, it got its premiere in early 1999 during warm-up gigs prior to the initial S & M shows. That version that appears on S & M is incredible; when I saw it played live at Madison Square Garden on 11/23/99, it was a euphoric experience! Sadly, I’ve missed any other live performances of it – though I was particularly struck by the version played in Minneapolis, MN on 1/10/00 at the end of the short M2k tour…lots of cool reverb and echo effects on James’ vocals in that performance. I’m very happy that it sometimes makes a live return every once in a while though (it’s only been played 13 times since 1999 – with the last being the Fillmore 12/10/11!). Oddly enough, this song was actually the first taste of Load way back in 1994 when one its riffs was jammed on in the middle of "Seek & Destroy"!
So, twenty years later . . . after all the hoopla and the “sellout” shit-storm has (mostly) died down – believe it or not, there are still teenagers who weren’t even born when this record came out, getting on the ‘sellout’ band wagon – Metallica are still here and about to release a new record. Upon its release, a lot of people seemed to want to hear “the old shit” and now they’ve sort of switched it up and want to hear some of this stuff again. I’m in that camp for sure, as I’m heavily nostalgic for this era….there was just so much attitude in pretty much everything the band did at that point. Looking back at some of the interviews from this era, there’s a great sense of fucking with the audience and the perception of how or what a “metal” band should be. The record ultimately debuted at #1 and continues to sell well. Here’s to another 20 years!
1 comment:
If you bought Load from the Alwilk in the Phillipsburg Mall in '96, there's a very strong chance that I sold it to you.
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