What EXACTLY Is Wrong With 'Freddy Vs. Jason'

Okay, so it's been nearly ten years since everyone's favorite 80s slashers squared off on the big screen.   As a fan of A Nightmare on Elm Street since the age of 5, to say I was excited (as every other Nightmare and Friday fan was, no doubt) when Freddy's gloved hand reached up from the depths of Hell and pulled Jason's hockey mask down with it in the closing moments of Jason Goes To Hell . . . well, that'd be a complete understatment of course!

Easily of the earliest films I can remember being into and excited for that wound up in Development Hell, the storied saga of trying to bring Freddy Vs. Jason to the screen would make for a great Horror movie in and of itself.  Various script ideas floated around Hollywood; cults of Freddy and Jason worshippers and even a boxing match between the two terror titans were just some of the ideas bantered about by any screenwriter worth his weight in gold.  

Finally, in 2003, it happened.  New Line Cinema pimped the hell out of the movie before its release -- complete with a press conference between Freddy and Jason that was set up and ended like most real professional boxing match press events.  

I can remember seeing the film on opening night with some friends and my Mom (hey, my mom's cool as hell, alright!?) and, sure it was great to see Freddy again on screen . . . but . . . something was off about the movie.  At the time, I don't think I could put my finger on it, and I probably saw it a couple times in the theater in an attempt to convince myself I liked it.

Then it came out on DVD and, since I worked at a video store at the time, I managed to get a copy before it officially went on-sale and thought I was King Shit.  There was an "alternate ending" even included . . . true to most "special edition" BS DVDs, this amounted to nothing special or much alternate as I can recall (I probably haven't watched it since it came out on disc). 

Anyway, now for the reasoning behind this article . . . you see my wife and I go through various "marathons" where we'll watch an entire series of Horror movies in the space of a week.  We've done the Fridays and Nightmares a few times . . . and pretty much EVERY time, I refuse to watch Freddy Vs. Jason.   Most people ask, "why?  what's wrong with it?"  Well, dear reader, let's go to work . . . 


1.) The Introduction/Backstory Flashback . . .

This scene basically spits in the eye of anyone in the 80s who, at the height of his fame, thought Freddy was geared towards kids.

I can clearly remember various interviews where Robert Englund seemed to talk down about the later Nightmare sequels for mining Freddy's backstory . . . "they love that back story".  That may be true, but here, it's just out of place and pretty bad.  Also, Freddy's strange narration over it (and throughout the movie) is totally out of character and pointless.  Sure, perhaps not everyone who went to see Freddy Vs. Jason grew up on the two series where the characters came from . . . but, like any sequel, it shouldn't have to set things up so blatantly for the audience.  I wouldn't go see Return of the King if I didn't see the first two Lord of the Rings movies, ya know?  

Unfortunately, it was mostly downhill from this point in the movie . . .

2.) The Fake Mrs. Voorhees

Where the hell was Betsy Palmer??  Come on New Line, you're killing me here.

One thing most of the studios know about Horror fans is that they're incredibly loyal.  Despite the 47th sequel to Friday the 13th or Halloween, the moment we walk out of that theater disappointed, we're always saying or thinking "Maybe they'll get it right with the next one" and, of course, we'll be there on opening night!

But, what they don't seem to realize or remember is that Horror fans are incredibly detail-oriented.  We pay attention.  Just look on-line for fans' reactions to what the mask looks like when a new Halloween movie is announced!  Of course Freddy Vs. Jason had to dig into both characters' backstory and, for Jason, that meant bringing in Mrs. Voorhees.  

Iconic is a word that doesn't even begin to describe Mrs. Voorhees.  Sure, Betsy Palmer might not have been available, but could New Line have at least tried to find someone who looked like her or could act like her?  And what's with the red sweater?  Guys...you're killing me here!

3.) This Stupid Guy And His Revenge Oath

Okay, listen up, everyone loves it when they have a character to root for.  In these types of films, it's usually the Final Girl or at least one character who vows to avenge the death of a fallen friend (who was usually killed by the villian) . . . hey, it's a driving plot element in Rocky IV and has worked for countless Action films since then!

The audience cheers and stands behind the revenge-seeking character and usually triumphs with them by the final reel.  The ANOES series had plenty of these types of characters and, to be fair, so did the F13 series . . . each one had varying results of success of course. 

But this guy?  Not convincing at all. 

Go ahead and watch this scene again and try not to laugh at his "I'm gonna get him...for you" monologue.   I remember seeing this for the first time in the theater and slapping my forehead because of this "kid's" performance here...yes, I know neither of these series won any awards for acting, but come on.  The worst part is how this guy is hitting a flask as he's giving this revenge monologue.

Please.  If there was any more wood in this scene, the production would have been able to accurately recreate the 1428 Elm Street house (but, more on that later...)

 4.) Freddy's Constant Narration/Breaking The Fourth Wall 

 If fans complained about Freddy being a wise-cracker, they must have really lost their minds over his constant MC'ing throughout this mess. 

On one hand, I can understand Freddy having some sort of inner monologue . . . but to dumb it down to the extent that he's talking to the camera in almost every scene?  This is definitely not the Freddy we grew up with.

Please.  If there was any more wood in this scene, the production would have been able to accurately recreate the 1428 Elm Street house (but, more on that later...
  
5.) This kid.

Why does this guy act so serious every single time he's on screen?

Canadian actor, Brendan Fletcher, plays Mark Davis, a friend of Jason Ritter's Will Rollins character.  Pretty much every single time Mark is in a scene, he has this melo-dramatic tone of speaking and generally comes off as too emo for his own good.  

In this particular scene above, he hilariously recites the Jump Rope Song "1, 2, Freddy's coming for you..." with all of the effect of a David Draiman from Disturbed.

Almost instantly, I hated this character.  He was a cardboard cut-out that instantly felt at home in a later Friday the 13th movie, again, making me realize just how much better the ANOES series was over the Friday movies.  Where the characters in Crystal Lake felt like stereotypes of people I didn't know (and wasn't), the characters from Springwood felt a little more dimensional and I could often relate to a few of them throughout the series.

The main thing that really bugged me about this Mark character is the complete and utter failure of using him to bridge the ANOES series to this turd (which, come to think of it, may be a good thing).  Throughout the entire movie, he keeps talking about "my brother", insinuating that his brother was a previous victim of Freddy Krueger.  In Friday the 13th:  The Final Chapter, the character of Rob was hunting Jason for killing his sister (Sandra from Friday the 13th Part II).  I know, great way to tie the first handful of movies together right?

There's also some great continuity of characters throughout the initial ANOES movies as well.  I'm a self-admitted Horror fan who loves continuity throughout sequels.  Here, Mark's constant reminding to the audience that his brother was killed by Freddy at some point opens the door for a wealth of possible cameos or nods back to the Nightmare series.  I kept thinking, "Who could it be??"

All of this build up and teasing leads me to the next thing that wrong . . . 


6.) Mark's much talked about brother is . . .  

Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! We were trapped. There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!

SCUT FARKUS from A Christmas Story?  Really?  This is who melo-dramatic Mark's brother who was killed by Freddy is?  

No.

This is completely a missed opportunity on this movie.  They easily could have had a character from the ANOES series pop in for a quick cameo and make the fans happy.

Granted, Zack Ward has moved on quite a bit from the role of Scut Farkus, but at this point, I can't remember seeing him in anything other than that iconic role.  This was just distracting casting as far as I'm concerned.  
  
7.) Lochlyn Munro.

Derp, Derp, Derpa Derpa Derp.

I'm sure Lochlyn Munro is an upstanding citizen and fine actor . . . but between his roles in Dead Man On Campus and Scary Movie, the guy has become typecast -- at least in my eyes -- as a bumbling doofus.

Honestly, I remember the moment he stepped on-screen as Deputy Do-Gooder, I laughed out loud.

Yeah, I know Freddy Vs. Jason isn't an Oscar contender, but I just could not take anything this character said or did seriously. 

That's all I have for now . . . yes, there will be a Part 2 to this article.

Stay tuned. 

Friday the 13th: A Trip Back To Camp Blood....Part 2

Dear reader, as promised some time ago (a year and a half?), it's time for Part 2 in this piece known as "A Trip Back To Camp Blood".

There are two very things about first arriving on the grounds at Camp-No-Be-Bo-Sco; 1.) the road to the camp is much longer than you'd believe and 2.) it's crazy just how much of the film was shot in such a small area of the camp!

The first location we'll look at is where the Camp Crystal Lake sign stood in the beginning of the film as Ned, Jack, and Marcie arrive.

 

 No, it doesn't quite look like it did in 1979 when Friday was shot, but I'm 99% sure that this is the exact same location as it was shown in the movie.  Note the totem pole...and the placement of the fictional sign versus the real sign.  You figure 30+ years later and there was bound to be some trees cut down and buildings erected, right? 

  
The first location we'll look at is actually from the first shot in the film.  This would be the cabin that Jack and Marcie spend a lot of time in and, ultimately where one of the film's most famous kills occurs.

 When we were at Camp No-Be-Bo-Sco in May 2011, the cabin (known as the Pond House) was actually being renovated.  In a true face palm moment, we weren't sure just how important this little cabin with a ladder in front of it was to the Friday the 13th legacy!

If you're standing looking at this cabin, almost directly behind you is our next location...the main cabin, Van Dusen.

 

I'd say at least 75% of the movie takes place in and around this particular cabin, so this would be the Horror equivalent of hanging out in the Los Angeles location of Mighty Mick's Gym from the Rocky series.  Words can't describe how cool it was to be RIGHT THERE.

Inside, it looked pretty much the same as it did in the film....

 

Here in the main room, the most notable and recognizable bits are the fireplace and the large beam through the center of the ceiling, which Alice slings her rope around as she barricaded herself inside once her friends' bodies started piling up.  

When first walking inside, the fireplace is to the left (the piano, as you can see, was in the left corner) and, to the immediate right is the doorway leading to the kitchen...

 

Here, Mrs. Voorhees pulls her dramatic "Steve should have NEVER opened this place again..." speech while standing in the doorway.

One thing I should point out is how hellish HOT it was inside this cabin!  Granted, I can't say I've spent too much time in log cabins and it was the end of May when we there, but damn....it was as hot as a docker's armpit in there.  I can only imagine how much hotter it would be under several camera lights!

Moving through the doorway and into the kitchen, we come to another area known to Friday fans as a hotbed of action....

 

  Here is where a lot of unintentional laughter arises out of fans, as Alice cannot seem to screw the cap back on the coffee she makes later in the film!  Obviously, this part of the cabin has changed significantly since filming, but the vibe is still there.  I'm also guessing all of these green tables aren't normally stored in Van Dusen, being as they're clumsily in the way.

From this pic, to the immediate right is a source of trivia that I'm sure a lot of fans are already well aware of...

 

The pantry door (and the pantry itself).  Of course, in the screenshot above, Alice and the gang are about to meet Crazy Ralph, self-proclaimed prophet of doom, who has somehow been hiding in the pantry!  In reality, the door is actually just another entrance to the cabin; the pantry was an add-on by the Friday production crew.  When watching the movie, in any daytime shots of Van Dusen, you can clearly see the add-on of the pantry and that it really doesn't go well with the rest of the building.

To the left of the "pantry" door, we've got a window/corner that I'm sure was the seed for many sleepless nights and terrifying nightmares for kids in the 80s....

 

  Here is the window that Brenda (actually make-up effects master/stuntman, Tom Savini) is sent crashing through.  I must admit, this was a pretty cool site to take in considering just how classic Brenda's body coming through the window is!  

Back outside, we'll move over towards the large cabin that doubled as the bathroom/shower area where Marcie eventually catches an axe to the face.

 

In the photo above, the young couple is fooling around before Marcie gives Friday fans another bit of Comedy Gold when she recounts her awful childhood nightmare where rain turned to blood.  Sorry for the lack of a close-up, as I was going for the angle that Neddy saw as he watched the lovebirds from a far....in the location pic, I've circled the area where Jack and Marcie are playing balance beam on an old log.  In the screen shot, you can see a makeshift bridge off to the right....which has been converted into a pretty sturdy bridge with arches, as you can see in the location shot. 

Moving in a little closer to the building, you'll see the entrance for the bathroom as it was portrayed in the movie....

 

 In the location shot, you can see a doorway on the left side of the cabin (just under the foliage in the foreground) which served as the door shown in the screen cap.

In reality, this cabin looks to be some sort of bunk cabin as it was crammed with bunks.

Looking out from the cabin is, of course, Crystal Lake itself.  In reality, Crystal Lake is known as Sand Pond....

One of the most standout points of reference for this location is, of course, the large mountain off in the distance, looming over the lake like some sort of horrible memory campers would prefer to forget.  I'll admit, standing on the dock and looking out towards that mountain, after having seen it so many times in the movie and in stills, really made things connect for me....it was like, "I'm here!"  One of the other cool things that I don't think is too visible in the pics above is that there's a wire stretched across the water (probably some sort of utility wires) and it's pretty visible in the movie actually!

On the shoreline, another standout landmark is the lifeguard tower.  In the film, it's a skeletal structure, though over time it's been modified and painted brown (as I'm sure you've probably seen in a lot of other locations photos over the years).  

Next, we've got the lake itself...in the pics below, I'm not entirely sure where the canoe was when Jason popped up at the end for one last scare (though I'm sure there's a die hard or two out there who can pinpoint EXACTLY where it was...).

 

Certainly one of the most memorable props of the original Friday the 13th are the large, wooden raft pieces that the young counselors are using to assemble the dock early in the film.  Sure, in the pics above, it's clear that the camp has upgraded to something more substantial than old, white pieces of wood....but, those original rafts are still there!

 

Who wouldn't love to have one of these at their house??

 

Wrapping up, I must say that there's a pretty special feeling being on these grounds where Friday the 13th was filmed.  When I lived back in New Jersey, I'd make it a point to take a trek up to Blairstown almost every Friday the 13th since 2003 and try to have lunch at the diner.  This visit to the camp was actually the first time I'd ever set foot on the grounds (as it's actually a pretty difficult place to find if you're not sure where you're going!).  

Though I haven't been back since this visit, the last I heard about Camp No-Be-Bo-Sco was that it had been sold to the nearby Blair Academy and would soon be converted into "athletic fields".  I can't really say if there have been developments in that process or not since then...but when we were there it still seemed like an active Boy Scout camp preparing for a new summer season.  These days, unfortunately, the website hasn't really been updated and there really aren't any updated photos in the site's gallery.  

So, if you happen to be in the area and feel like taking in some Friday the 13th sites, always remember:  be respectful.  Though I've heard urban legends of the Blairstown locals looking down at Friday fans and generally trying to forget the legacy of the film on their hometown, I can't say that I've ever experienced any negative vibes from the locals myself.  The same goes for the camp....do a search on-line and I'm sure you'll read any number of stories about the camp turning fans away (can't say I blame them though, since they are a thriving business dedicated to the Boy Scouts and all that stuff...but hey...).  

Thanks for sticking around all this time between blogs to check out this final chapter!

Back From The Dead....again!!!

Hello and welcome back to Constriction Pictures....in an effort to get this blog back up and running on a (somewhat) normal basis, I've been hanging out down in the Crypt and kicking around some ideas about how to do the reviews and possibly adding trailers and maybe even talking about them as well.  What do you think?  Sound good?  I thought so....

I'm gonna start off with something fun...so be on the lookout.

One of the things I'll be re-doing in the Friday the 13th locations post from back in 2011(!)...I was never really happy with it and it was, in fact only one part of what I wanted it to be.  So, I'll be re-doing the photos on it very soon and completing the long-never-posted Part 2 to it.

Anyway, stay tuned...

This kid's shirt just kills me.